Trauma, Self-Blame, & the Stories We Tell Ourselves

One of the deepest wounds trauma leaves behind is the belief that the harm was somehow your fault. This belief rarely sounds loud at first. Instead, it whispers:

• “Maybe I should have known better.”
• “Maybe I caused it.”
• “Maybe if I were stronger, it wouldn’t have happened.”
• “Maybe I deserved it.”

Self-blame is not a character flaw. Self-blame is a survival strategy, especially common among Black and Indigenous survivors who were raised in communities that taught silence, endurance, and self-sacrifice for survival.

At Little River Psychological Services, we work to help people untangle themselves from the stories trauma wrote for them — and return to the stories they were meant to live.

Why Self-Blame Happens After Trauma

Survivors rarely choose to blame themselves. The brain creates self-blame to cope with helplessness.

Self-blame gives the illusion of control

If the trauma was your fault, then the world is not chaotic — and you might prevent it in the future.

This is the mind’s way of saying: “If I caused it, I can control it. If I caused it, I can stop it from happening again.”

It’s painful, but it’s also protective.

Many survivors were taught to carry adult burdens as children

Black and Indigenous families carry centuries of forced silence — from slavery, boarding schools, sexual exploitation, child removal, racial violence, and medical abuse. Children grew up being told:

• “Be strong.”
• “Don’t talk back.”
• “What happens in this house stays in this house.”
• “Don’t bring shame to the family.”

Self-blame becomes a cultural inheritance when silence was necessary for survival.

Shame fills in the gaps when memory can’t

For survivors with dissociation, memory loss, or fragmented recall, the brain often fills blank spaces with guilt.

Abusers often intentionally shift blame

Especially in cases of sexual harm, childhood trauma, domestic violence, and emotional abuse. Survivors internalize years of being told:

• “You made me do this.”
• “You’re overreacting.”
• “Nobody will believe you.”

These messages sink into the identity layer of the psyche.

How Self-Blame Shows Up in Daily Life

Self-blame doesn’t just show up in thoughts — it shows up in behaviors.

Many survivors experience:

• Apologizing excessively
• Taking responsibility for others’ emotions
• Avoiding conflict
• Believing they are “too much”
• Minimizing their own pain
• Staying in harmful relationships
• Over-functioning in workplaces
• Feeling guilty for resting or having needs
• Feeling responsible for keeping the peace

These are trauma-driven patterns, not personality traits.

How Self-Blame Impacts Black & Indigenous Survivors

Self-blame doesn’t happen in a vacuum — it happens within cultural, historical, and communal contexts.

Black Communities:

Centuries of anti-Black violence, sexual exploitation, and racist narratives created the belief that Black people must be responsible, perfect, or silent to survive. Self-blame gets reinforced by:

• Stereotypes of Black “strength”
• Family systems shaped by survival
• Spiritual guilt tied to respectability
• Lack of institutional trust
• Dismissal of emotional pain as weakness
• Silence around sexual trauma in many families

Indigenous Communities:

Colonization punished Indigenous expression, sexuality, traditions, and identity. Boarding schools and sexual violence taught entire generations:

• Your body is not yours
• Your voice is dangerous
• Your pain is shameful
• Your story must be hidden
• Your anger will be punished

Self-blame is often the result of community-wide trauma, not individual failure.

How Self-Blame Affects Mental Health

Self-blame is associated with:

• Depression
• Anxiety
• Dissociation
• PTSD symptoms
• Shame spirals
• Low self-worth
• Self-silencing
• Chronic guilt
• Perfectionism
• Difficulty trusting others
• Avoidance of intimacy

These responses are normal in the aftermath of trauma — especially when the trauma was interpersonal.

Healing From Self-Blame

Healing requires rewriting the internal stories trauma created.

Naming what happened

When survivors say it out loud — “This wasn’t my fault” — something in the body loosens.

Understanding survival responses

Realizing that freezing, fawning, dissociating, or complying were involuntary physiological reactions restores dignity and self-compassion.

Releasing inherited shame

Black and Indigenous survivors often carry the shame of ancestors who were forced into silence. Healing means giving the shame back to the systems that created it.

Reclaiming identity

Connecting to culture, ancestors, land, dreams, and spiritual practices shifts the narrative from blame to belonging.

Therapeutic support

Therapy helps survivors rewrite their internal stories and reconnect with their bodies safely.

At Little River Psychological Services, we use:

• Somatic grounding
• Dream analysis
• Narrative rewriting
• Memory reconsolidation
• Identity-based interventions
• Cultural + ancestral frameworks

Healing from self-blame is not about forgetting what happened — it’s about returning to yourself.

If You Need Support Right Now

• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME or CONNECT to 741741
• Native Text Line: Text NATIVE to 741741
• BlackLine: 1-800-604-5841
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988
• RAINN: 1-800-656-4673
• IHS Suicide Prevention: https://www.ihs.gov/suicideprevention

References

Herman, J. (1992). Trauma and Recovery. Basic Books. Bryant-Davis, T. (2005). Thriving in the wake of trauma. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 29(4), 393–404. Van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Viking. Williams, M. T., et al. (2014). Shame and trauma in racialized communities. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 27(1), 1–4.